The time has come

Oh man, I've been dreading this post.  I haven't posted in a long time because I have been composing it in my head, knowing that after this post, everything will be very, very different.  Before this post, I was a stay at home mommy and after, I'll be a working mommy.  I could get all negative and mopey about returning to work, and that would be true to how I'm feeling, but instead I'd like to at least try to find some positives.

What I will miss when I return to work is obvious.  My baby girl is slowly moving out of the fragile, baby stage into the fun, exciting stage.  Everything she does enthralls her.  Finding her feet, pulling on her tights, trying her darndest to flip onto her tummy.  I'll just plain miss watching her.  And holding her.  Our new fun thing is to look at mirrors.  I hold her and she grins and grins, trying to figure it out.  Is mommy holding me, or is she in there?  So fun.

At six and a half months, Camille is just awesome.  She can flip from her tummy to her back without a pause and just recently learned that her feet will reach all the way to her mouth.  She is eating rice cereal and seems to really enjoy the new texture and taste.  She is a bouncing machine in her jumperoo and adores the pink bear that Grannie and Grandpa gave her that sings.  She falls asleep for her naps within minutes and can sleep all night without needing attention from us.  She still wakes up periodically, but can put herself back to sleep in usually 10 minutes.

She is constantly smiling.  When she wakes up, when she eats, when playing with a toy, when looking at Teddy.  My favorite is when we put her on the changing table to get her sleep sack on before bed.  Daddy reads from a book while I get her in the sleep sack and she always looks back towards him the second you lay her down, because she's looking for Bill to start reading.  And she grins this huge grin.  Baby Girl loves her daddy.

It will be so amazing to have Bill take over because he is the kind of dad every kid wants.  He is goofy, he is fun, he is devoted, and he completely adores her.  Bill will now understand how fast time can really go.

Even though there is so much that I will miss there are actually some things that I will not miss.

1.  Washing baby dishes.  I pump and give her a bottle every time I feed her.  That equals a lot of pump parts and bottles to wash and sterilize.  My hands are like sand paper.  When Camille goes down for her nap, I spend 20 minutes washing everything.  I will not miss that.

2.  Playing the guessing game.  What time will she wake up?  How long will she sleep?  When will she want to eat?  If she wakes up at this time, will we have time to eat before we need to leave?  What if she only sleeps 35 minutes?  Will we need another nap before dinner?  Ugh.

3.  Teddy's eyes.  That dog has been staring at me with those huge chocolate eyes for months with such a look of disappointment.  I'm home, yet he is ignored.  He doesn't even get excited about walks anymore because they are so infrequent (thank you rain and unpredictable schedule).

4.  The elusive nap.  I am a terrible napper.  A nap has to find me, not the other way around.  I'll be just starting to drift, you know that moment that feels so good as you are just starting to fall asleep?  Then I hear her on the monitor.  Bill always seems mystified that I didn't take more naps during my maternity leave, especially when I was up three times a night.  My naps now will be intentional.  And successful.  And probably just as infrequent.

5.  Online shopping.  It is so, so easy, and so, so dangerous.  I need a new book.  Zing! It arrives on my doorstep.  Camille needs a new _____.  Zing!  Two days later it is here!  I've never been patient and free two day shipping at Amazon is a scary, scary thing for stay at home mommies.

6.  Grizzly, Chaucer, and Emmy.  Those damn (sorry) dogs have been driving me apeshit since Camille's napping became more predictable.  Grizzly is the German Shepherd with completely moronic owners who let him run around off leash.  Grizzly thinks people calling him or trying to get him to come in is a hilarious game, which makes his owners yelling "Grizzly" constantly completely counterproductive, as Grizzly just runs the other way.  Chaucer and Emmy are the dogs across the street who are never allowed off leash or out of their yard and bark non stop when they see Grizzly strutting around the street or turning cookies in our grass.  Miraculously they've never woken Camille but they've caused my blood pressure to sky rocket, made even worse when I talk to Grizzly's owners and hear, "We try to get him in and he never comes."  Maddening.

That's it.  Those things are the ONLY things I will not miss.  Everything else I will miss terribly.  Camille and I will never get to spend this much one on one time together again unless one of us is sick, which would completely suck.  I am completely blessed to have been able to spend 7 months with her and I know how lucky, lucky, lucky I am.  And it has to end, right?  And now our relationship will change, but it will be just as sweet.  Just different, and that's okay.

Do I sound convincing?

Blockhead

I looked up online to find out that Black Ironwood is the densest, hardest wood on the planet, but I should have known because my head is made of it. Remember that last post I wrote? The one about sleep? The one where I am perplexed at why people always ask me if my baby is hungry? Well, back to that dome of wood that sits atop my shoulders...she was.

We went to the doctor for her 6 month appointment and discovered that she's only gained 3 ounces in a month. She should have gained a pound. Her percentile has dropped from 20% to 7% in weight. The doctor asked me to talk about her feedings and I told her how Camille often cries when I switch sides and sometimes takes 5 minutes or more to calm down after a feeding. I thought she needed help burping since she's always been a lousy burper. Then doctor asked if she does that after her nightly bottle. No, she doesn't. Because she's not hungry after her bottle.

In my defense, I never had production problems before and she eats at least every 2-3 hours. But apparently I have some production problems now which is why she hasn't been gaining weight. She's getting enough calories to support her length gain and head circumference gain, which are both right on target, but there isn't anything left to add to those squishy cheeks and nummy thighs.

I can feel bad all I want but the more important thing to do is to get her back on track, which is fairly simple: just give her a bottle chaser after she breastfeeds. We have milk stored in the freezer and Camille will eat formula, so this shouldn't be a problem at all. In fact, after her last feeding, she chugged a full 6 ounces from the bottle. (That is about what she eats for her nighttime feeding and she ate that in addition to breastfeeding.)

I know it isn't my fault but I feel like such a nitwit.