Wednesday, April 29, 2009

To blog, or not to blog? Who really cares?

About two weeks ago I wrote a post that I was really proud of but I decided I wasn't quite ready to publish.  It wasn't particularly thought-provoking and it certainly wasn't funny.  It was actually quite the bummer of a post.  I saved the post and decided to wait a couple of days to see if I still wanted to post it. 

A couple of days later I reread what I'd written and decided it wasn't that I wasn't ready to post it, it was that I was scared to post.  I wrote it while I was feeling very sad and I was afraid that through the post, I would reveal too much.  Would make people feel bad.  Would make people uncomfortable. I always worry about what other people think so again, I decided that I would wait a little longer to publish my post.  

And now, two weeks later, I am still conflicted.  I'm sure you are wondering, "What in the world could cause so much conflict?  Just post already!"  That is when I wonder if fellow bloggers ever feel as I do about posting what we actually feel.  Do people (and by people, in theory I mean the world) really want to know?

The conflict isn't about how I feel and if it is justified.  People experience all kinds of emotions and there certainly isn't a rule book that states what you are supposed to feel in any given situation.  I'm not worried that readers will question my feelings but rather they will finish reading and say, "Wow.  I really didn't need all THAT during my happy blog-reading time."  My concern is in the blogging rule book, which I have yet to see.  Do you protect your readers from yourself?  Is a blog for the blogger or the reader?  

If the blog is for the blogger, a true web log, then the answer is post away!  If the blog is for the reader, it becomes much more complicated.  Personally, I assume that the people who read my blog are mostly friends and family, who care about me, and would want to know how I'm feeling, even if it is lousy or sad.  At the same time, how impersonal is it to let your friends and family know you are feeling down in the dumps by posting it to the universe?  BUT, I often compose my thoughts much better when I write them down.  (Scary I know, considering some of my other posts!)

So which direction shall I go?  Do I stick with mostly light topics, rants and raves and anecdotes, or do I let a little (or a lot!) of the personal side in sometimes?  

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Ode to Daffodils

My favorite flower of all time is the daffodil.  Everything about the daffodil is lovely and happy. First and foremost, daffodils are yellow.  If yellow wasn't such an impractical color, I would choose it for just about everything.  Clothing, paint, furniture.  Unfortunately too much yellow can be a bad thing.  But never for flowers.  Driving down the freeway a couple of weeks ago I saw bunches of daffodils growing cheerfully along the shoulder.  As if to say, Hey gray freeway, we're here to add a splash of color!  

Daffodils just have a smiley name.  I dare you to say daffodil without showing some teeth!  And for those of you that are made of stone, perhaps you are more impressed by the other, more sophisticated name of the daffodil - jonquil.  I love the way it rolls of your tongue!  When I was a counselor at outdoor school I chose the name Daffodil.  Maybe it is because it is so close to Daffy (as in Duck) that the word evokes a feeling of glee.  

At the beginning of March, when the cold and the rain has settled deep into your bones and each gust of wind makes you begin to wonder if the sun will ever show itself again, sweet specks of yellow begin to emerge from the hard ground.  Their cheerful, bright heads are just what you need to hang on a few more weeks till Spring truly begins to show.  It is as if their trumpets all sound together and beckon the sun from hiding.  I always know we're almost there the day I first notice my friendly daffodils those lingering days of winter.

I only have one lonely daffodil in my yard (which I keep saying will change but I can never remember when you're supposed to plant bulbs until the window has passed) and I envy the displays in the yards around the neighborhood.  So today at the store, when I noticed them for sale, I bought two bunches.  They weren't nearly as happy in the store, all bunched up with their heads tightly closed, but I brought them home, put them in a vase and set them on the window sill.  Not even 5 minutes later my little champions of Spring and happiness started to perk up and stretch out in the sunshine.  Every time I glance at them in their sunbeam, I'm cheered. 

While Portland is going absolutely crazy enjoying the sunshine this April day, I pause to thank my friend the daffodil.  Thank you for giving us a little bit of hope weeks ago that yes, this day would come.