I know millions of moms have done this and it is fine. I know I will have lots of support from Bill. I know I'm not the first teacher mom to go back to work while nursing.
But it still sucks.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Shades of blue
Even though I have 3 months left of maternity leave, I've started thinking about when I go back and what it will mean for everyone - for me, for Bill, for Camille. I am overwhelmed with the feeling that going back to work is just...wrong. Camille is so tiny and darn it, she needs me. Of course she will be well taken care of with Bill, and what a lucky little girl to have her Daddy take care of her for 3 months. But we're still nursing and the thought of being at work when my little girl needs to eat makes my stomach ache. I'll be pumping of course, which sets up a whole new pile of anxieties. Being a working, nursing mom isn't easy for anyone, but being a teacher puts a whole other layer on top of the challenges. It is recommended that I pump twice while at work. The only way I can see to do this is to pump during my lunch and during my planning period. At the moment, these two times are scheduled right next to each other during the day so that won't work. I'm going to request that my schedule be changed to an early lunch and a late prep and hope for the best. This morning I pumped for almost 25 minutes. I have a 30 minute lunch and a 50 minute prep. I'm taking over Bill's role as team leader while he is on paternity leave because we didn't want to lose the stipend. That means I have 25 minutes during the day to do all the teacher things I need to do and be team leader. I really don't see how this is going to work in a way that doesn't leave me a ragged, stressed out mess. I was never much for staying late at work and that was before I had a beautiful baby waiting for me at home. Ugh. I need to push it out of my mind because I have 3 months left with her and I don't want to spend them worried and sick.
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1 comment:
This message resonated with me; I've been there. I returned to work when Joel was 4 months. I was able to schedule in pumping 2x a day, but the following semester I could only pump once a day. We did have to supplement with formula, but I justified it because it was only one meal a day, a few times a week. And by that time he was already starting with baby food too. My non-expert advice is to remember that by the time you return to work Camille will almost be twice as old as she was when you wrote this and be that much more of a little girl. While 100% depending on and loving her mommy, she'll likely be tasting baby food and have a different feeding schedule as well. Every month brings a new adjustment when they are babies, and the three of you will adjust great. Your blog is fun - thanks for sharing!
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